My Bestest Friend

Tawai has been with me since time immemorial.


He always listened silently, without a word. Yet, he seemed to understand me. He provided solace from the tears and heartbreaks, warmth on a chilly night and served as shades for my eyes on a sunny morning if I decided to stay in bed. He was my security provider – just clutching him to sleep after watching horror movies was enough to alleviate my fears of ghosts, ghouls, werewolves, vampires, aliens and all supernatural beings.


Throughout my growing years, he stood by me. Every time my granny pushed him into the washing machine, I would wail and shout, as if she had just murdered my closest ally. He would return to me without any complaints and would comfort me, as if he was saying, “Don’t worry. I am back now.”


How can I forget the times he accompanied me, throughout the long nights, revising my school work. How can I forget the times he soaked up my tears and gave me a sense of belonging every time the ‘rotan’ came flying onto my butt and thighs? How could I forget the times when my mom went dating, leaving me in the care of my granny and aunt?

I found a friend in Tawai, who offered me solace and security. Just a sniff at one of his corners would make me feel better and stop the tears. Children do not have ‘security blankets’ or 'security pillows’ for no reason. I was an insecure child, afraid of abandonment by my mom. She was the only one I had. No, she and Tawai were the only ones I had.

Years passed by, I started dating and got married. He is still with me, but the hugs and corner biting are gone now. Hubby wants him to be put away for good. Each time he brought up the subject, my eyes would well up with tears and protests of “NO! NO! NO!” would echo the whole house. I could never put him into a corner, to be all alone and forgotten with time.


He is still in his blue pillow case, he is still as cuddly as before, but he no longer smelled the same. He knows my darkest secrets; he has kept them well throughout the years.

I hope he could stay with me, but I dread the day when all the cotton inside him have turned to dust, and his cloth begins to disintegrate, I will have to bid adieu to my ‘bestest’ friend.